I told myself maybe a cigar is just a cigar. Or maybe every thought is a surfacing of the subconscious or the Spirit. Maybe connections are messages.
All this pondering because my drive home from dropping off my kids startled me with a random thought that at first seemed meaningless.
The Order is Science, Religion, Sex
I like science. I like magic too. I’m not sure they’re mutually exclusive. You believe that, too, if you believe in any kind of spirit in any kind of religion. I’m saying this because the first people to ridicule my interest in astrology are Christians. No problem if you think it’s evil. Big problem if you make fun of the “influence of planets.”
Atheists, go ahead and laugh at me. I respect your logic. Most of life is absurd. Knowing that keeps me joyful in moments of unhappiness and grateful in moments of success.
Don’t worry, this isn’t a Praise Jesus moment. It’s about sex. Did you really wonder where I was going with all this?
Freud had a lot to say about that. I read his collected works in high school. By college I realized, as most feminists have, that he was 100% correct, only he didn’t realize he was dissecting patriarchal culture and knew nothing about essential human nature.
So this rambling post brings me to a question I get asked first by someone when they meet me in the context of my writing:
Do you have three-ways with your husband?
The New Erotica
As a commodity in our culture, sex functions like a drug. We need to up the intensity.
First, it was two, then three, then four, now I’ve seen six. Of course, I’m talking razor blades. You know, get a triple close shave! Four blades for maximum closeness! Now we have the Mega-Six-Blade MONSTER!!
Like razor blades, erotica group sex is also growing.
The combinations of sex groups in erotica have become some vast chi square I can’t create here, but to give you the idea, you can read about sex among: F/M/F, F/F/F, M/F/M, M/M/M–and that’s just with three people. Imagine the bounty when you add more.
I don’t think there is anything inherently different about the writing of these ménage plus stories because most two-person erotica is just as bereft of emotional exposition. It’s all body parts and mechanics, panting, sweat, and sex liquids.
Not that I’m against panting, sweat, and sex liquids. By no means am I against sex liquids.
But realistic erotica includes messy emotional connection and disconnection and animal needs that are irrational, often contradictory–and even more often politically incorrect.
You might imagine I’ve been told I’m neither lesbian nor feminist with my lifestyle, writing, and views on sex and beauty. I’ve had feminist philosophers scold me, so it must be true.
What We’re Missing
The authors giving us this new erotica are leaving so much out that adding more bodies may be more logical, but it’s not magical, and therefore, it’s ineffectual. It’s how we do drugs and razors. More is better. But it isn’t. Still, the product seems to sell well. Like the razors.
I mean, we all know the three-bladed razor works best. Am I right?
Two isn’t enough, not quite–some hairs are left untouched despite the sharpest and most well-intentioned of blades. Four is too many–the middle blades get left out as the two outer ones slide quickly across the perkiest hairs.
Now, if you think this is code saying I have three-ways with my husband, you’d be wrong. The answer to the above question is “No.”
I’ve had group sex a number of times and found it as unsatisfying as all those erotica books. I don’t know if the authors write such dull prose because they, too, know what goes missing when you simply add bodies to a bed or because they just don’t realize what makes bodies in a bed so arousing,
In any case, that’s why I don’t write ménage stories, either. Been there. Done that. Not nearly as fun as the brochures claimed.
And to think this whole post started because on the way home from dropping off my kids, I noticed I watched car headlights and never saw the person driving. But maybe a cigar is just a cigar.